Learning Proper Slang
by Lil Cosmo
Summary: Rating only to be safe. Numbuh 4 orders a tape which teaches him how to be 'ghetto fabulous'. Too bad the others don't appreciate his new 'skills'.


**AN: I got this idea from those 'Learning Proper English' commercials I see all the time on the Spanish channel (dude, I don't understand a word they're saying. It's like they're speaking another language or something!). Anyways . . . here it is!**

"I was a high school geek," the overly jeweled white guy on the commercial stated. "Then I bought this tape. Now I'm the shiznit!"

"Word up!" The other (equally white and jeweled) man stated. "Homies, dis tape is number one in the hood. We educated the slang impered to speak the lingo of the ghetto. Buy LEARNING PROPER SLANG for just three easy payments of 19.95."

The commercial ended, leaving four of the five children in tears of laughter. "WHo are they kidding?" Numbuh 5 giggled.

"That's gotta be the dumbest thing I've ever seen," Numbuh 2 added.

"Proper slang? Is that even possible? That's like saying 'elegant cussing'." Numbuh 2 joked.

Numbuh 4 was the only one not laughing. He had become increasingly aware of the fact that he spoke differently than the others. Not only because of his accent, but he didn't use words like 'yo' or 'pimp'. He knew it was only because of his culture, but he couldn't blame it all the time. There was no reason he couldn't speak slang.

"I, er, got to go do something," He stammered before entering his room. He picked up the phone and dialed the 1-800 number.

Two weeks later, Numbuh 4 scowled at the mail man as he handed out the KND mail. One package stuck out beyond the others. "Yes!" Wally grinned and shoved the package in his back pocket before locking himself in his room, forgetting to give the others their mail.

He tore off the paper and stuck the videotape in the VCR and found it odd that they didn't send a DVD instead. Oh well, at least he hadn't destroyed the VCR yet.

"Wazzup! My name's Da Bomb. Welcome to Slang 101. By the end of this tape, you'll astound your homies with your superior knowledge of jive talking." The videotape guy seemed so . . . geeky.

Numbuh 4 shrugged. Maybe Da Bomb didn't look like much, but Wally didn't know anything about slang so he'd just have to trust this guy.

"First lesson. You need a cool name that'll prove how down you are. A simple trick is to put the word 'lil' in front of your name."

Now, before I move on, I know you have noticed that my name does indeed begin with the word 'lil'. That is because I, as well as our young Aussie hero, have purchased and watched this tape.

"Or," The man continued, "You can break your name up. For example, if your name is 'Brad', change your name to Bee Rad."

Somehow, Wally knew the name 'dubayou ally' wouldn't get him anywhere.

"Also you can simply be called by the first letter of your name. Like if your name is Fern, you can simply be 'f'. Or if, by some off chance, your name starts with a W, you can call yourself dubya, a shortened form of dubayoo."

As 'down' as that may be, Wally didn't think this would work. Maybe he could be like that one guy and name himself after currency, like the dime. He could be Ten Cent.

Ooh! Ooh! He could be 'Four Cent'. That was original. maybe not ghetto, but it was original.

"Now that you have discarded your slave name, you need to learn appropriate greetings. YO and WAZZUP are classic greetings that'll never go wrong."

Two hours later the tape ended. Wally was ready to test out his new lingo on his friends.

The first one he ran into was Numbuh 3. "Hey Numbuh 3 . . . I mean, YO YO YO Home dogg. I'm the shiznit!" He felt proud of his knew language skills, even if it did sound weird.

"Are you okay, Numbuh 4?" She stared at him in concern.

"The name's Four Cent from Australia. Representin'." He used the sign language for the letter 'A' and placed his hand over his chest.

"You're scaring me," Numbuh 3 backed away from the boy.

"Don't be hatin'!"

At that moment, Numbuh 5 entered. "What are you doing?"

"What up my sistuh! Numbuh 3's all up in my grill," 'Four Cent' explained.

"Riiiight. What're you smoking?" Numbuh 5 asked.

"Nothin' but . . . oh I smoke all kinds o' stuff. Yeah, I'm down."

"Oh you're down all right," Numbuh 5 laughed and left the room.

"Yeah you better go, biaatch! Can you believe her?" Wally turned to Numbuh 3, but she too had exited the room. "Fine. Forget y'all."

**AN: Strange chapter, I know. And it's only gonna get stranger.**

**Truthfully, I really don't talk like this. And I don't have anything against anyone else speaking that way, in case y'all are offended. I just think its funny when someone trys to immitate another culture. I hope no offense was taken.**

**Later babes,**

**Lil Cosmo**


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